I remember when i went to London from uni for a job. I thought it was gonna be a days journey, in and out so I didn’t tell my family. I hadn’t called or visited in ages so I felt weird about letting em know. Since am writing about it you can probably tell that things did not go according to plan. The job overran its time and I ended up missing the last train back to uni. I guess the next move should’ve been to swallow my pride and go home or to a friends. Somehow my brain doesn’t work like that. the mixture of pride and shame in me always makes me see things stupidly. I decided it was best to stay up all night in central london till morning when the first train comes through.
STREESSSSS. my job keeps me on my feet all day and now am on my feet all day. I kept thinking of different ways to keep busy. I tought the smartest thing was to head to a club. I almost did, as i got close to the club I started thinking of how it looks that I went clubbing on my own. I put it in my head that everyone is watching me so i cant do it. loonngggg. my next idea was casino. I thought how awesome would it be if i got some extra money ( would make a great story). I was sooo happyy sitting down for once. after 20 mins i lost £20 and i was defo not gonna bet anymore. I still stayed for an hour. I kept acting like i was thinking of how to bet or something. I watched a skinny old man dressed in trackies lose £1500 in one minute. he did not look like he could afford it. Laughing at his pain got me through a little. After an hour I left the casino and went to a bus stop to sit and wait for a bus that didnt exist. I remember seeing a girl from sixth form, a girl I hadn’t seen in ages. I was in no state for heartfelt reunions. I hid in a shop. It was like a movie I went into stealth mode peaking every 5 mins, I musta looked so crazy but dignity was at stake.
it was now after 3 and central was a lot less busy. I felt exposed after waiting at 5 different bus stops (yu gotta keep moving). I decided to get on a bus and just go all the way to its last stop. am not very familiar with london buses at night cos routes change, so i stuck to what i know. basically i went all the way to my area. I got off the bus at a 15min walk from my house but i had no intention to do that walk. I waited for the next bus back to central. #PAAIINN the next bus was a 32min wait and my phone battery was dead. I was in a quiet, empty and sometimes a dangerous part of hackney and i was just sitting down gathering my thoughts. all i was thinking is damn; what if something happens to me. My family will find out I was in town and didn’t holla. yes, death isnt what i feared its my parents reaction. I also thought about how the news might make my mum look bad for not knowing the location of her son. but there was know way i was knocking on the door at 4am that ship had sailed. if i die…..i die.
By the time i got to central. it was time for MacDonalds breakfast. there was a long queue which was great for passing time. i stayed for an hour reading a paper which i had no interest in. still wearing my black shoes n trouser tired as fuck I was coming towards the end of my journey. I felt it was late enuff to head to st pancras. I got there an hour early before the first train. dosing off i missed the first train but it was kl i got the second one. nothing special happened after that.it took me a week to tell my friends what happened. i was still feeling the shame. I havent told my parents about it yet cos despite it being 3 years ago i kno i will still get lectured heavily
do you guys think am crazy? Does anyone else know about doing suttin crazy for pride. let me know if you can top my story